“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Carl R. Rogers
So much of our lives are spent in a state of resistance. We exert an incredible amount of energy resisting facts like: “I’ve gained 10 pounds since the summer,” or “this relationship is not going anywhere,” or “that bad thing did happen to me,” or “I’m getting old,” or that “I’m not OK.” When we stop telling ourselves these lies and admit the truth, then we can start the journey to change and begin to live our emotionally Healthiest lives yet.
“There are two types of pains in this world, pain that hurts and the pain that changes you.” Author Unknown
Healthy lives demand expression of emotions. When feelings are suppressed or denied all we end up doing is pushing the pain into the unconscious. We don’t feel that pain, we can ignore the pain; that is until an opportune moment for the pain to resurface. He said after years with me he had wasted his time. His words hurt so deeply; why? I felt the relationship had run is course. In fact, I was looking for a way out but something kept me in the relationship? His words painfully penetrated into my soul. Mindfully allowing for my pain, I was able to understand that it wasn’t his words that pierced my heart in as much as it was that I had been triggered. I was triggered back to when my father left, what I would consider for years, when my father abandoned his family (me). Pain that hurts. Pain that changes.
Confronted by pain I had one of two choices to make. I choose to face the pain of abandonment. It wasn’t my fault my father left. There was nothing I could have done or not do to make him stay. He made a choice. I saw my father 30 years later on his death bed and forgave him.
Change. I accept that I am divorced, 10 lbs heavier, getting older, and yes bad things did happen in my life. Now what? I am mindful that I cannot change the past , stuff happened and stuff happens. I am also mindful that I will not allow the past to define nor direct my future.