Desperation of Loneliness

Where does loneliness take you? Does it take you to on line dating? Does it take you to overusing substances? Does it take you to isolation? Does it take you to depression? Does it take you to low-self esteem? Sitting with the sene of desperation often drags you down to places you would rather not venture. We are after all social creatures who desire, no need social interaction.

Brain science informs us of that the need for social interaction is real.  Deprived of human contact, many individuals  begin to feel rejected, empty, abandoned,  and emotionally distressed.  Research has uncovered  a neuron located in the back of our brain called the Dorsal Raphe Nucleus (DRN). DRN happens to  be a Dopamine neuron. Dopamine we recognize as a neurotransmitter that  helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers. And then we have good old Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and his insight suggesting the human need to belong and love. So what am I saying? The feeling of loneliness is real. It’s not just you being needy!

So what path has loneliness taken you? It took me to on-line dating. I do know of two couples who met on line and married. Another couple is engaged. For me, I end up feeling rejected or judgmental. I find people don’t read the profile and or lie. I don’t get it. Why post a picture of yourself 20 years ago when you are going to meet that person in person!  Or they start talking to you and ghost you. Where is the courtesy? My favorite has been the one, after I reached out to end the contact telling me that it seemed I wanted a traditional relationship and that’s not what they wanted. Wait? Did you not read my profile? That’s enough venting. Someone should write a book on the protocol of on-line dating. Perhaps someone already has and I have not read the book.

Paths I have taken to overcome loneliness have been many. I have learned I don’t like waking up the next morning with a hangover and throwing up because I drank to fit into the crowd or numb the loneliness away. As you can tell I have taken some not so smart paths.  However, I am awake now and in the awareness for human connection I want to feed my DRN.   I have uncovered the best way to feed my DRN  is with self-care and compassion. Yes, I have the longing to connect however I will not allow myself to go down the path of desperation. Desperation gives undertones to hopelessness.  I am not hopeless. I have value. I have gifts. I have talents. I am worthy of respect and to be loved.  If that amazing person should come into my life that will make two amazing people. If they don’t show up there still remains one amazing person, me.

Carpe Diem,

Gloria

 

 

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