Have you Been “COVID-ed”

And who has not has some interaction with COVID-19? According to the World Health Organization as of May 6th, 2020 the following countries haven’t reported any cases of COVID-19: Comoros, Lesotho, Turkmenistan, North Korea, Kiribati, Marshall Islands, Federated States of Micronesia, Samoa, Solomon Islands, Tonga, Tuvalu, Vanuatu, Cook Islands, Nauru, Niue and Palau. The debate is out if these islands were mostly spared because the countries were quickly locked down, preventing travel and tourism. Hm… Take to mind no cases have been reported versus no reported cases. I enjoy debates (to the dread of ex’s) and often get accused of not giving direct answers. My job is to get us to think outside the box.

Even if North Korea has no reported cases everyone around the world, including North Korea, has been “COVID-19ed.” Daily we hear the word, COVID-19. We evidence the impact of the virus in seeing people wearing masks, stepping aside to others to pass, limiting human contact, and yes, even those that are openly rebelling against the virus and share a pint or two. My boyfriend schooled me that when we go to the store we go to buy not to shop. Gone are the days of pursuing the isles for the sale or tasting the grapes. The word COVID-19 is heard daily on the TV, in the news, in written print, in electronic print. We can’t escape its tentacles. With the abundance of auditory and visual COVID-19 stimuli how can help but be anxious or stressed?

So glad you asked or hopeful you thought about the question. Let’s get some background first. Our brains get hijacked. To be more specific our amygdala gets hijacked. The amygdala is where emotions are given meaning and attached to associations and responses to them (emotional memories). When sensing a threat our smoke detector goes off and automatically activates the fight-or-flight response. We are groomed by design to protect ourselves whenever we sense a threat. You are not feeling anxious or stressed because you want to; it happens automatically. Let me repeat that, you don’t feel anxious, stressed, or afraid because you want to; no, your natural instinct to survive kicks in.

Our smoke detector goes off warning us something is up which then signals our neural pathway to our prefrontal cortex (PFC). The PFC gets the alarm and starts to shut down. When the PFC shuts down so does our orientation, our memories become skewed, our decision-making is compromised, and so does our access to multiple perspectives. I already stated, we don’t want to feel anxious, stressed, or with fear; it is an automatic response to survival. What we don’t want to do is to get stuck in the overwhelming emotion(s).

Emotions are neither good or bad. Emotions remind us we are humans. What are we to do in response to being COVID-19ed’? Offer ourselves compassion. We are living in unprecedented times. As our president said, “People have died that have never died before,” (thought I would add humor). Anxiety, Stress, and Fear are reminders that you are alive and are surviving. Thanks to neuroplasticity (Our brain capacity to adapt) we can alter the neuro pathways and ease the anxiety, stress, or fear.

COVID-19 may be prevalent in our world as a verb, let’s make it a noun. Ways to become de-COVID-19ed’: Listen to your favorite song, Dance when no one is watching, dance when they are watching, take a breathe break, go for walk, go for a run, watch nature, experience a sunrise, experience a sunset, make it point to be grateful for something each day. And stop being hard on yourself. Your amygdala has been activated; you are only human. Don’t ignore that truth just know it and live out your best life today. After all, we are only guaranteed the moment(s) we have now.

Carpe Diem,

Gloria

Being Alone Is Okay

I sat with her, listening to her story of being alone and feeling overwhelmed by her loneliness. It had been years of marriage, then the divorce but still some child was around. All the children eventually leave home  and choose to go away to college. Funny how they choose not to go near the dad nor stay near the mom. They moved to their spheres. After years of a on again off again relationship the relationship finally came to end. The end coincided with the empty nest. Friendship were for not.

She found herself alone and drowning in her loneliness. Was it the impact of being alone? Was it the loneliness? Was it the break up? Was it the empty nests? She went to work Monday through Friday. Attempted to fill her time so as not to sink into her loneliness. One would think that attending events, happy hours, activities would fill her loneliness; yet, she found herself returning home after the events with tears not understanding the waterfall from her eyes.

Curiosity took her to research being alone. Chains unloosened as she gleaned a new perspective to being alone:

  1. Being alone is okay.  Sometimes, no most of the time okay is good enough.
  2. Being alone helps one look at life with curiosity- nothing is mundane. Listening skills are sharpened.  One’s eyes see with renewed perspectives. Like a small child first experiencing a butterfly with wonder life becomes awe filled.
  3. Silence is indeed golden.  Being alone rewires our brain toward an increased peaceful state to experience life’s present wonders  in the now.
  4. Being alone would not last forever. After all we are made for relationships.

Now loneliness is another animal. Loneliness carries a psychological impact that is subjective based on how one feels in connection with others. Loneliness often has the person feeling isolated which makes them isolative. Chronic loneliness has links to struggling with Bipolar disorder, anxiety, stress, and depression. Perceived or  reality loneliness is real.

She became friends with Alone. No longer did she begrudge her time by herself. Being alone became a time of self renewal as she took  time to know herself and love herself.  With loneliness she found balance. She dared to go to Meetups, happy hours, or community events and talk to others. She even dabbled in on line dating and was confident in herself to not get involved in relationship that were not beneficial to her soul. She took time to become involved in causes she cared about but prior for reasons was not able to roll up her sleeves and get involved.

Who is she? She is you. She is me. She is the freshman college student that went away to college. She is the partner that feels distant from her partner. She is the one that feels alone in the crowd. She just moved to a new state or a new job where everything is new and strange. She realized that being alone was part of a transition to know herself and better herself for connections in relationships.

She is daring. She is life to behold.

Please note that chronic being alone or the chronic feeling of loneliness requires some help. No man is an island unto himself. So please, if you find yourself in extended feelings of desolation, withdrawn, melancholy, or gloom reach out – there is someone that care.

Carpe Diem,

Gloria

Emotional Baggage

These days with the airlines charging us for luggage we have become more selective in what we pack and how we pack. Interesting that we are not so selective on the emotional baggage which carries a greater personal cost. The baggage conceals itself wrapped with words of justification or behaviors that ushers in the past. When the worlds of past and present  collide manifestations of  disruptive behaviors, poor frustration tolerance, depression, anxiety, poor concentration, apathy, relationship problems, addictions, medical problems and other struggles in our future.

Trauma is a subjective horrific event either experienced or witnessed that appears to impair the individuals capacity to deal with the event. There are some “things” that happen to us that are not traumatic; yet, the events can have trauma like impacts. Either of these or both of these are what are often found in our emotional baggage.

At the airport the baggage is weighed.  I have seen where the baggage is too heavy and the traveler tries to lighten the load by taking things out and stuffing items into other bags.  Our emotional baggage gets heavy and we get triggered and act out  without knowing why we are reacting with intense emotions.

What helps lighten the baggage? Social support, Personal temperament, Survival orientation,  and of course therapy. I have met with many courageous clients with amazing triceps and somatic sensations and or physical aliments because they have been  carrying around their over stuffed bags.

It is uncomfortable when we start unpacking. In fact it is at times it feels overwhelming. Maybe it’s better carrying around the load? No. It is not.  The pain of discomfort is worth the process of unpacking with the end result  of living free from the past and living free to embrace the best life yet!

Carpe Diem