Camouflage Smile

My smile may look like everything is okay; but, it is only a mask. A mask which hides  pain, disappointment, disillusionment, and loneliness.  What you see  is only a camouflage smile that disguises how I truly feel.

You take a moment to ask me if I’m okay and I answer yes. I really do want to be okay; yet, something inside just doesn’t seem to be able to break free from the pain, disappointment, disillusionment,  or loneliness. Why doesn’t anyone ask me the right question that will shake loose the shackles of this heaviness.

I’ve spent years with this camouflage smile.  It’s worked you think of me as happy one;  I’m exhausted. My body keeps the score and I’m losing. It takes me longer to recovery in my private darkness. I have been able to recovery; although, one day I may not be able recovery. Then what? Please listen not to what I say but to what I don’t say. I want to tell you; help me tell you. Don’t judge me.


Does anybody see the real me hidden behind  my camouflage smile?



The Trifecta Mind

You choose: The Emotional Mind, the Reasonable Mind, the Wise Mind.

The Emotional Mind’s modus operandi  is feelings, or if you will instincts based on experiences.  Experience, after all, is the sum of our  perceptions based on what we have observed, encountered, undergone and thus remembered.  Our past encounters become embedded within our conscious and unconscious creating instinctual, and at times  impulsive life styles. Intense devotion or desire is the where the emotional mind is most beneficial as the intensity keeps one on course and even triggers sacrificial choices. Think of the film Manchester by the Sea where, acting on an emotional impulse, a depressed uncle takes in his teenage nephew out of love for the young man and his father. On the other hand the same passion and intensity can lead to addictions, unsafe and unhealthy actions. Think of the Intimate Partner Violence. The victim often stays in the relationship because of the emotional ties including the hope for change or the fear of leaving.

The Rational/Rational Mind: This part of the mind where we plan, evaluate, and make decisions based on perceived facts. The rational mind provides understanding to  aspects of our lives. Sounds like a smart way to live, being able to make decisions with focused attentions or an organized, calm demeanor.  The danger, however, is that we live so emotionless that we miss out on the most important aspect of life, human relationships. Additionally, our experiences are not the totality of all known experiences, our experiences and memories are subjective and cannot predict the future.  Just as in investing, where past financial gains are not a guarantee for future financial gains, past performances are not guarantee of future performances.

There is a time for the Rational brain, especially in times of crisis.

The Wise Mind’s modus operandi is a mixture of the emotional and the  rational mind.  The Wise Mind is rooted in the consideration of feelings and the use of logic. The Wise Mind using both the left and right sides of our brain.

Most often the healthiest mind set is the wise mind. I’m not so emotional that my decision is clouded by sentiments of love or hate. My rational mind is not overbearing, allowing me to see the benefits logic and at the same time seeing the impact of emotions and human relationships.

You get to choose what mind set you want to live in at any particular moment instead of the mindsets dominating. You are and can be in control.  There are a few things in our lives that are outside of our control; however,our mind is our choice. When we aware of our mindset we are free to live up to our true potentials.

One great tool which aids us in getting to our healthiest mindsets is Mindfulness. Mindfulness guides us to our awareness of the moment; truly, that is the only place of true living. Below is an exercise which anyone can complete in order to feel more in tune with themselves.

Learning how to live being aware of our Mindset:

Breathe in through your nose holding the breathe  for 4 seconds and release gently and slowly through your mouth. Follow your breath.  Notice any tension in your body starting from the top of your head and slowly scanning your entire body until you get to your toes. Notice the tension without judgement.  Any thoughts that come into your mind are only thoughts, accept don’t dwell on the thoughts only accept without judgment. Focus on your breathing. Do 5 sets of breathing. Keep your eyes closed for one minute.

You’ve done it, practiced Mindfullness and are creating a wise mind so you can choose what mindset for this moment at hand.

Salus Vita,