Month: June 2017

As I  woke up and I glanced to my left and caught a view of my closet. I started to wonder about all that the closet held and hid; from the articles too large to hide under my bed to clothes that fit too tight though remain there hanging in hopes of once again to drape my body.

What  would the closet disclose about my personality and or my emotional state(s).  What would it say about the memorable I wish not to discard? With my curiosity piqued I began to explore. I know that eating is often influenced by emotional states.   Comfort foods, in particular,  simply makes us feel happy if only for a moment. The reward region of our brain is activated by these energy-dense, high fat and sweets similar to the activation of addiction. Back to our closet. For the most part my clothes are categorized by color, article, and size. Blouses hang with blouses, dresses with dresses, skirts with skirts….you get the idea. What could this or does this say about my personality or emotional states? I first took on what my closet would say about my emotions.

Emotions are evaluations about ones perspective in  having  goals met or and or experiencing a sense of satisfaction. In the Psychology of colors, colors impact one’s  mental and emotional states. Thereby, if colors affect our emotional and mental states would we not be drawn to purchase certain color of clothes more so than others because of the impact upon our moods. Let’s explore. Black is reflect authority, strength, intelligence and grief.  Blue is a chill color lowering blood pressure and emanating confidence. Although blue can come across as uncaring or cold.  Brown is like Linus’ blanket bringing  comfort and reliability. Green is easy on the eyes and gives  off a sense of happiness, fertility and health. Orange is like your best friend happy to hang out together. Purple demands respect, reflects prosperity, and is the exotic color. Red like the fire raises blood pressure and is exciting!  White is homey and sterile. Let’s not forget yellow. Yellow plays with our emotions, so use only in small doses. Pink gives off a sense of romance, a calmness and gentleness. Real men can wear pink by the way. I gaze over my color schemes and notice the blues and the browns with splashes of green and red trying to make a breakthrough.  So, I’m confident, reliable and trying to capture happiness and passion.

Moving on, what does my closet disclose about my personality. Keeping it simple I stayed with the basic three types of personalities, A, B and D. I don’t know what happened to C.

The A type personality types are individuals who are competitive and overachievers. People in this category have a difficult time knowing how to relax and stop to smell the roses because they are focused on the end result and or the goal.  Clothes for Type A are meant to  make a bold statement and  to be noticed. They have outfits for every occasion and the right outfit at that! Type B individuals are not in rush and take things as they come.  They are very creative with their wardrobe as they are freethinkers and expressive. They pick up whatever is on the floor and make it work. Their wardrobe is filled with  casual comfortable, and easy to care for clothes.Type D, poor type D. Individuals in this type are the worriers. Their lives are filled with much negativity as evidenced by their irritability, keeping to themselves and limited with their emotional expression. Their  glass is half empty.  Type D closet  are filled with classic pieces because it worked then it should work now. Staying with the tried and true takes away some of life’s anxieties. I glance in my closet and sigh relief; my  closet shouts out I am a mixture of type A and B.  In full disclosure,  depending on my frame of mind  I did purchase certain items. which takes us to what my closet says about my emotional states.

Memorabilia stored in my closet are treasures which cannot be discarded. My oldest daughter in preschool made a little girl out of a coffee filter and named the filter Sarah. Months later her sister was born and her name…Sarah. Who can throw the coffee filter away? Or the first hand written card by a grandchild that reads, ” I love you Nana.” These highly sentimental objects which stir the heart and or  capture an important event have a right to be treasured.

What’s does your closet say about you? Embrace the experience of looking into your closet. If you like what you see enjoy. If you find that your closet is not representing the person you long to be take the challenge and make a change pressing on to live your best life yet!

Salus Vita

White:

 

Pain has a way of masking the truth.

As a young girl into my teens my family lived in the West side of town.  Today the area is called Little Italy.  I will correct myself at this point as  most of my immediate family inhabited the home as my dad would be in and out  of our lives until around the age of eleven. True to form in the cycle of violence my parents were caught in the web.  The fights between them were not only verbal in nature they became quite physical.   Mom would be in denial and be lured in by the honeymoon stage which was followed by tension building  then the acute explosion.  Johnny and Brenda (neighbors to our right) would often come and take the two apart or if not the police would make their presence known. To make matters worse both my parents struggled with alcohol.

My siblings and I never spoke of the drama that was unfolding in our home. Each of my siblings including myself would find ways to deal with our domestic situation. We each took on a family role. My oldest sister would be the caretaker, my second to oldest sister would be the hero, my brother the scapegoat and I the mascot. These roles helped our family function and would also inform future social interactions at times to our benefit and other times to our detriment.

Being Puerto Rican was not a heritage I had not wanted to embrace. I witnessed machismo, poverty, pain, struggle, violence, and pain. I became a runner figuratively speaking.  I thought if I could get away from the mess things would change. They problem with that theory is that wherever you go there you still are with all the baggage you left with.

Running worked for some time. Thanks to the Father of my children and the Army we lived in 12 different place and in Europe. All of which took me away from the pain of childhood and young adulthood. At times pain would  peek it’s head for me to only suppress the feeling because if anyone knew how I felt it would ruin the facade I created of a happy pain free life.

I recall when the time came and I could no longer mask the pain of the past. If I someone would have listened perhaps life’s course would have altered. But I found not and life’s course did change. I had to face the ghosts of my past and deal with the disappointment, the hurt, the disillusionment, and the pain.

I found that it wasn’t my Puerto Rican culture’s fault, no it was decisions made by people. And in every culture people are experiencing similar growth opportunities. My traumatic experiences tarnished my perspectives. With the knowledge of that truth I would no longer allow the hurtful past to hide away my true self.

When I dismissed my culture I dismissed a rich part of self that today I am fully embracing with pride and joy. I am Latina and Proud.

Salus VIta

 

Tomorrow Never Comes

Tomorrow never comes. For today is today and not tomorrow. Now yesterday’s exist and often attempt to haunt our today.

Today. What experiences await us today that will not be allowed to come into fruition because we allow our tomorrows to taint our hopes and aspirations? We allow our past to not only inform our present; much more, we allow our past to dictate our future. We allow the hurt and pain to be the canvas of which we paint we our lives. We become the pain, the disappoint, the failure.

Our past is comprised of memories. These memories complied together give the basis to our personal narratives. Some memories bring joy while others wrought pain. Interesting that most often our painful memories appear to inform us most as opposed to the happy memories. The primary reason for that processing is that as human being we desire to avoid pain as much as possible so we remember as to not forget.

What we do forget is that we are not our pain, disappointment or failures. One of my Grad Professors at A & M University, Tonya Perry would say those times are growth opportunities. So we took chance and found out that perhaps it just didn’t work and so we now know how not to do XYZ. We trusted and that trust was violated; yet I learned so much about myself and others. We loved and we were not loved in return; yet, I am a better person for loving. I sacrificed to only be rejected or the sacrifice was not received with gratitude. In that case I can never have the regret of not living true to self and miss the experience of giving unconditionally. Each of us are survivors and resilient beyond our own belief. We are living testimonies.

We will always have Nay Sayers. Despite those individuals today I will live out my best life yet, the best life I know to live. Today I will allow the past to inform my present though I will not allow my past to dictate my future. I will not allow the sexual abuse, the intimate partner violence or the abandonment to mar the treasures of today. I will not lived today waiting for tomorrow for tomorrow never comes. Today I will trust in my Soul Mate and the gift of love that my higher power has bestowed upon my life.

Memories can be rewritten. It only takes changing our perspective and the courage to live today!

Salus Vita