Month: April 2018

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Learning Curve of Personalities

People and Personalities. Every where we go we are wittiness to both people and personalities for after all personalities is a reflected from the person. At a meeting I recently attended I took inventory of the personalities in the room. Okay full disclosure at some point the meeting became, at least for me, unproductive so I had to entertain myself someway. Back to personalities.

The first individual, whom we will call Jose, sat taking it in what was being shared though obviously disagreeing with what was being said. Jose makes several comments about how things were becoming complicated. Several times during the meeting Jose would look across the room and make eye contact with another person and nod his head side to side as if exasperated. We shall  call Jose Cool Cucumber.

Another person, whom we will call Silva,  interjects respectfully; yet, does not hesitate to identify those with which they do not agree. Silva is passive aggressive  disposition comes to life when she can no longer make as if new demands are not bothering her and becomes verbally softly aggressive.

Teresa now, she can be different. Teresa appears confident in herself and for sure is one of the Alpha’s in the room. Teresa often does not let others complete their thoughts before interrupting because she knows best.  Teresa has good intentions though by many is seen as insensitive,  bossy, and unsympathetic.

Then we have Margaret who was suppose to be running the meeting. Although at times the meeting was being run by one of the Big  Three mentioned in this writing.  Margaret  know her stuff, no I believe Jose , Silva, and Teresa don’t have a vote of confidence for Margaret because of a managerial style.

I sat observing the dynamics within this group and came up with several take away:

  1. Be aware of where I am going to sit
  2. We all have a voice; it is important when to use the voice.
  3. Just because I have an opinion doesn’t mean I have to share
  4. Drink Water
  5. Respect is essential to listening and hearing
  6. Fidget when necessary
  7. Be Comfortable in your own skin
  8. Listening is easy
  9. Hearing is not easy when we are already thinking of a response
  10. Mindfulness shift thoughts toward awareness

The meeting ended two hours later. One hour to long for my liking; however, I learned my lesson well. What life lesson will you learn today?

“The capacity to learn is a gift; The ability to learn is a skill; The
willingness to learn is a choice.”

 Brian Herbert, House Harkonnen

Carpe Diem,

Gloria

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Rescuing Self

Rescuing happens when recognizing the value of that which is in danger outweighs being a bystander. I think of the First Responders such as law enforcement, firefighters, our men and women in uniform and many others that stand in the front lines to help. Thank you for First Responders!

Who rescues those who quietly are in danger, in danger of losing themselves to drugs, alcohol, suicide, to an unhealthy relationship, to not being able to say no, to loneliness,  to food, to hopelessness?  You name the addiction and or the affliction?  I wonder what do you see when you look in the mirror or are you like an acquaintance  I knew who had not mirrors in their home because they couldn’t stand to look at themselves. I wonder who will rescue us if we don’t start the process of rescuing ourselves.

Far too often the courage to rescue ourselves doesn’t come until we hit the proverbial rock bottom. What keeps us living in this silent danger? Fear? Shame? Guilt? Repeated disappointment? Pride? I have heard people say, “Well the Bible says God helps those who help themselves.” As a Biblical Study major the Bible does not say that-just to set that record straight.  However a point can be made that  until “those” recognize they are in danger they cannot find the resources to help them out of the danger.

Rescuing Self

It takes courage to be a First Responder. It takes courage in being a First Responder for Yourself. I want to tell you that YOU HAVE VALUE AND THAT YOU MATTER. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress has been you  are still way ahead of those who  have stopped trying or those who have never tried.

Rescuing yourself first starts by finding that mirror and looking courageously into the mirror and asking yourself: What do I see?  When you get the answer no matter the answer offer yourself compassion. You have been resilient regardless of life’s curve balls (Baseball season just started).  Don’t give up on yourself. Remember when you…….and if you haven’t….. remember what you dreamed of doing.  Rescuing starts when you recognize value in the object that is in danger.

A nine year old client shared with me how they thought going to therapy was for crazy people. “I’m not crazy. I heard some adults say that. I am not crazy. I needed help with the sadness inside of me because my dad died.” That nine year has started rescue process. You can too….

Carpe Diem,

Gloria

 

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Observe don’t Absorb

Life is process and how to live out that process is becoming quite an art. So many people want to interject their ideals or what they call suggestions. So much nonsense in politics, at the job, in our families,  well in life!

Observe don't Absorb

Practicing the art of Observing versus absorbing could make the difference between living  encouraged versus  living  oppressed. Observing takes on the quality in being aware, watching, noticing while Absorbing is to take in or engross entirely.  If I can stand back, in a sense, and watch things transpire  without becoming so emotionally tangled in the web.  To  observe  is t strengthen the  boundary muscle.

In the mental health field I would compare it to being oriented times 3;  Oriented to person, place, date, and time. When  oriented observation becomes a catalyst to my awareness of the moment. A Buddhist quote goes, "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. That process happens when we observe don't absorb. 

Absorbing on the other hand is  as if I were a sponge allowing the emotionality to infuse my very being. To allow  others to dictate how I feel or how I will act or my decisions.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapist  believe thoughts lead to feeling  feelings lead us to action.  I add on actions lead character. In my practice I work with clients to overcome the absorption of judgment,  abandonment, disappointment, of racism, of hurt and pain. The absorption (s)have robed life from far to many who have allowed the infusion of what others think matters or what others say matters.

I had a child, age six, come to session. On my desk I had a little yellow duck. The child was fidgeting with the duck and began to ask me questions of the duck. One of the questions was why does the ducks not get wet.  In my very limited understanding of ducks I knew enough that the oil  on the duck's feather makes them waterproof. "Oh," responded the young lad "We should be like the duck and not let madness get inside of us." I thought to myself  out of the mouth of babes: Observe don't absorb.