Tag: Depression

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Desperation of Loneliness

Where does loneliness take you? Does it take you to on line dating? Does it take you to overusing substances? Does it take you to isolation? Does it take you to depression? Does it take you to low-self esteem? Sitting with the sene of desperation often drags you down to places you would rather not venture. We are after all social creatures who desire, no need social interaction.

Brain science informs us of that the need for social interaction is real.  Deprived of human contact, many individuals  begin to feel rejected, empty, abandoned,  and emotionally distressed.  Research has uncovered  a neuron located in the back of our brain called the Dorsal Raphe Nucleus (DRN). DRN happens to  be a Dopamine neuron. Dopamine we recognize as a neurotransmitter that  helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers. And then we have good old Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and his insight suggesting the human need to belong and love. So what am I saying? The feeling of loneliness is real. It’s not just you being needy!

So what path has loneliness taken you? It took me to on-line dating. I do know of two couples who met on line and married. Another couple is engaged. For me, I end up feeling rejected or judgmental. I find people don’t read the profile and or lie. I don’t get it. Why post a picture of yourself 20 years ago when you are going to meet that person in person!  Or they start talking to you and ghost you. Where is the courtesy? My favorite has been the one, after I reached out to end the contact telling me that it seemed I wanted a traditional relationship and that’s not what they wanted. Wait? Did you not read my profile? That’s enough venting. Someone should write a book on the protocol of on-line dating. Perhaps someone already has and I have not read the book.

Paths I have taken to overcome loneliness have been many. I have learned I don’t like waking up the next morning with a hangover and throwing up because I drank to fit into the crowd or numb the loneliness away. As you can tell I have taken some not so smart paths.  However, I am awake now and in the awareness for human connection I want to feed my DRN.   I have uncovered the best way to feed my DRN  is with self-care and compassion. Yes, I have the longing to connect however I will not allow myself to go down the path of desperation. Desperation gives undertones to hopelessness.  I am not hopeless. I have value. I have gifts. I have talents. I am worthy of respect and to be loved.  If that amazing person should come into my life that will make two amazing people. If they don’t show up there still remains one amazing person, me.

Carpe Diem,

Gloria

 

 

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The Pain in Being a Helper

Who is not in the business of impacting another’s life? From the cashier to the pizza delivery person. We all impact another’s life. Yet, those in the front line often experience what in the mental health field is called vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue, secondary traumatic stress, or secondary victimization. We will go with compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue  is characterized by the  some of the following symptom (not an inclusive list):

• Free floating anger and/or irritation, over-eating or under-eating,
difficulty falling asleep and/or staying asleep, dreaming about their clients/their clients’ trauma experiences, diminished joy toward things they once enjoyed, feeling trapped by their work, diminished feelings of satisfaction and personal accomplishment, feelings of hopelessness associated with their work/clients, blaming others, overwork, irritability,  exhaustion, staff conflict, blaming others, poor communication, withdrawal and isolation from colleagues, apathy, blaming others, lack of appreciation,  lack of interest and caring, worried about not doing enough.

The nature of job demands your all. Essential to the field is the ability and capacity of self care. Self care is often spoken about;yet, I often fail to see implemented. Three suggestions for self care. 1. Get a massage or some type of body word done. 2. Eat a healthy diet 3. Keep your perspective. The three points appears simple, however, the reality is that they are seldom practiced.
I encourage you reading to put into practice exercise that will keep your mind fresh and not bogged down. Share your load. You were not meant to carry the load alone. I recently saw Justice League interesting is that the team was not as effective without Superman. Find your superman and let him help you carry the load. You’re doing a great job; but, the load is getting heavy. Just as we want to see those we help grow strong we have to be the proverbial strong to be able to give. We cannot give from an empty vessel.

Se si pude, but why would you want by yourself. We are better together!

Carpe Diem

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Emotional Baggage

These days with the airlines charging us for luggage we have become more selective in what we pack and how we pack. Interesting that we are not so selective on the emotional baggage which carries a greater personal cost. The baggage conceals itself wrapped with words of justification or behaviors that ushers in the past. When the worlds of past and present  collide manifestations of  disruptive behaviors, poor frustration tolerance, depression, anxiety, poor concentration, apathy, relationship problems, addictions, medical problems and other struggles in our future.

Trauma is a subjective horrific event either experienced or witnessed that appears to impair the individuals capacity to deal with the event. There are some “things” that happen to us that are not traumatic; yet, the events can have trauma like impacts. Either of these or both of these are what are often found in our emotional baggage.

At the airport the baggage is weighed.  I have seen where the baggage is too heavy and the traveler tries to lighten the load by taking things out and stuffing items into other bags.  Our emotional baggage gets heavy and we get triggered and act out  without knowing why we are reacting with intense emotions.

What helps lighten the baggage? Social support, Personal temperament, Survival orientation,  and of course therapy. I have met with many courageous clients with amazing triceps and somatic sensations and or physical aliments because they have been  carrying around their over stuffed bags.

It is uncomfortable when we start unpacking. In fact it is at times it feels overwhelming. Maybe it’s better carrying around the load? No. It is not.  The pain of discomfort is worth the process of unpacking with the end result  of living free from the past and living free to embrace the best life yet!

Carpe Diem